A thoroughly un-fun game: 5 ways to win without playing
Do you work with some who likes to play games?
I’m not talking about Yahtzee, Scrabble, or Hi-Ho Cherry-O. I’m referring to games in the most figurative, un-fun way imaginable.
Picture a twisted version of “Dungeons & Dragons meets the workplace.” Now picture the “game” going on for at least eight hours a day, five days a week, month after month, year after year. That’s what I’m talking about.
If you work in the real world, there’s a chance you share space with someone who’s the worst kind of game player. They tend to pursue their own agendas. They seem convinced that the only outcome is win or lose, and they’re bent on winning. If it suits their plan, they’ll try to get on your good side. If they see you as a barrier, they’ll go over, around, or through you — and you might be the last one to find out.
There are several things you can and should do. But let’s start with what you shouldn’t do:
1. Game-players tend to pit people against one another. They also like to control information and put their own success ahead of everything else. In the process, they make it very tempting to play along. Think about it: If someone’s keeping information from you, don’t you want to hoard and hide your own precious info? Wanting to take them on is natural — and self-defeating. You’ll start a battle that drains your energy, upsets your colleagues, and potentially hurts your customers. And if that’s not enough, you’ll be labeled as part of the problem.
2. Many game-players get their way through subtle bribes. They put on a friendly air and vaguely promise to help at some point down the road — in exchange for an immediate favor. Their favorite phrase is “I owe you one.” But they rarely deliver on their promises. When they approach you to make a deal, take a pass.
3. When a game-player turns on you, the best response is a cool head and plenty of unassailable facts. For instance, if a scheming colleague is going behind your back to spread rumors that your project is way over budget, come to the next meeting with the latest figures proving otherwise. Don’t be confrontational — just present the facts, take questions, and let reality clear up any misunderstandings.
4. If the game-player is more aggressive, actively trying to sabotage your work, find a chance to engage him or her in civil conversation about it when colleagues are around — preferably in a meeting. Explain what you are seeing and how you interpret it, and ask whether your concerns are justified. Be specific and detailed, but also be concise, and end by asking your colleague for his take on things. What you want is to create a public awareness of what’s happening.
5. It’s hard to remember sometimes, but aggressive schemers are human beings too. If you want to alter the chemistry of this person’s relationship with you, look for any impromptu opportunity to talk with them about anything that’s unrelated to work. Let’s say the person loves football and you both saw the championship game — then start a conversation about that. Or you see a child’s artwork taped to his office wall — ask about it. You won’t rewrite history or change the person’s neural wiring, but a few sincere comments will likely warm up the situation.
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