When trust is in trouble: Are you hearing the Top 10 alarms?
February 3, 2011
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You already have one of the best tools for taking stock of trust in your workplace. It’s with you at all times — in the form of your own two ears.
By listening for certain comments, you can gauge the extent to which trust is calling out for improvement. You can also gain insights into how trust can be improved.
What should catch your ear?
Below are 10 behaviors that spell trouble for trust. Included with each is a sample comment similar to what you might be hearing in your own workplace. You’re going to hear it before you see it, so stay alert.
1. Placing blame: “If he hadn’t spent so much time analyzing the data, we would’ve met the deadline.”
2. Selectively sharing information: “She’s the only person in the team who should get this information.”
3. Telling secrets: “Don’t tell anyone here that I told you this, but…”
4. Acting locally: “Let’s focus on what our work unit needs. The other units can fend for themselves.”
5. Dredging up the past: “He really dropped the ball on this three years ago.”
6. Asking for guarantees: “Will you put in writing what you’re promising to do?”
7. Doing inspections: “Let me take a look at your work before you move on to the next stage.”
8. Undoing commitments: “I wish I could follow through on what I said, but the situation has changed so much since then that there’s no way. “
9. Harboring doubt: “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
10. Hedging: “I trust you, I really do, but…”
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The BS radar: What it is and why you need to know
February 1, 2011
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Did you know that you come fully equipped with your own radar? Each of your co-workers has one too. So do your customers.
Some people call it intuition, others call it gut feeling.
I call it the BS radar. It alerts people whenever someone is giving them an inaccurate or incomplete version of the truth.
Self-powering and highly reliable, the BS radar is rarely fooled. So please take note:
If you’re planning to do some verbal gymnastics during your next team meeting to hide the fact that you’re late with an assignment, think twice. You’ll activate some BS radars for sure. People will sense that you’re not playing straight.
If a co-worker asks for your feedback after doing an awful job, resist the urge to issue a fake “just fine.” Over time, those false compliments will get picked up on the BS radar, and your words will lose all weight. You can be candid and kind when giving feedback. If you don’t think you can, then bounce back the question and ask the asker how they think they did.
If you’re approaching a busy colleague to recruit them for your project team, and you’re tempted to downplay all the work that’s likely to be involved, don’t do it. Your would-be team member will spot the BS on their internal screen.
This radar is wired into us. Back in Neanderthal days, people faced danger at every turn, so they had to assess, interpret, and respond in the blink of an eye. Those who couldn’t often fell to foes or became animal food. Those who did ended up living longer, having more descendants, and sending an ever-stronger intuition up the generational line — all the way to us.
Perhaps the best way to appreciate the BS radar is to think about your own. When someone tries to slide something past you, your radar usually catches it, right?
Sure it does — and the same goes for just about everyone else.
Keep that in mind the next time you’re tempted to trying flying your message beneath the radar.
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7 ways to work well (and stay sane) with a know-it-all
January 31, 2011
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If you’ve ever watched The Office on TV, you’ve seen a know-it-all in action. His name is Michael Scott, he heads the regional office of Dunder-Mifflin, and he says stuff like this:
People say I’m the best boss. They go, “God, we’ve never worked in a place like this. You’re hilarious, and you get the best out of us.” (Holding up his World’s Best Boss coffee mug) I think that pretty much sums it up. I found it at Spencer Gifts.
Every real-world workplace has at least one self-certified walking Wikipedia who’s ready with the answer to everything. Perhaps you work with that person. Perhaps you’re thinking about them right now as you grit your teeth. Perhaps you’re wishing you could trade them in for Michael Scott.
Well, here’s a better response — 7 things you can do to stay civil with your nearby know-it-all and make the most of their worthwhile know-how and preserve your sanity.
- Don’t be too quick to dismiss their ideas. This person might annoy you, but they just might have the knowledge, information, or different perspective you need.
- The next time your all-knowing colleague unloads some big generalization to support their position, kindly press for specifics. “How precisely will we…?” “What exactly…?” “When will…?”
- Speaking of specifics, make sure you have facts and data when engaging a know-it-all in conversation, especially if you’re trying to open their mind to a new way of doing things.
- If you’re seeking information, frame your questions carefully. Be clear about what you’re asking — or expect to be led on a time-consuming trip to Tangent World.
- If you’re in a group with a know-it-all and you want input from everyone, use a round-robin approach in which each person gets an equal amount of talk time.
- Try not to get too emotionally worked up when your colleague begins to pontificate. Don’t question their credentials — they’ll get defensive, and conversation will become more difficult.
- If you desperately need to de-stress, look to Michael Scott (via YouTube) for an amusing diversion. See directly below if you need that diversion now!
When Opie became the devil: What a beard taught me about being different
January 23, 2011
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When I launched my first full-time business in 1991, I brought a lot to the table: two recently written books, solid experience, a Duke University MBA. There was just one big in-my-face problem: I looked about half my age.
If you’ve ever watched those TV reruns of The Andy Griffith Show from the 1960s, you’re familiar with little Opie Taylor. That’s pretty much how I looked — but at age 28. The Opie Syndrome had me in its clutches.
In all of my first meetings with would-be clients, I kept getting the same question: “When did you say you graduated?” People stopped just short of asking for my birth certificate.
So I decided to do what Opie never could. I grew a moustache and beard, hoping that some well-tended whiskers would make a difference. And they did! People stopped asking my age, and new sales began to sprout.
Then I paid a sales visit to someone I’ll call Mr. Smith. He owned a company that trained salespeople, so I was literally selling to an expert on selling.
Two minutes into our meeting, the no-nonsense Mr. Smith leaned toward me and locked his gaze onto the lower half of my face. His stare lasted so long that I began thinking he had spotted an errant Rice Krispie or a shelter-seeking bug. Then his trance broke. He eased back, took a deep breath, and declared: “Shave that thing off. You’ll sell more.”
He said it with such conviction that I almost asked for a razor right then and there. But as I drove away, my reaction got more complicated. I could see the humor in our encounter, but I also saw the serious side. People talk a lot about valuing differences, yet here I was being told to shave mine off.
To vent, I wrote a guest column about diversity for the Cincinnati Enquirer. It told my story of growing the beard and getting pressured to stick with the 90 percent of clean-shaven American males. The article ended with a question: What’s it like to have a prominent difference that can’t be shaved off?
Many people answered, calling and writing to tell me about the challenges brought on by their own differences. Most of these testimonials had to do with workplaces where sameness and conformity are quietly expected. All of their experiences were far more serious than mine.
I also heard from critics, lots of them, most of whom seemed to long for a world of their own chosen familiarity. One irate reader clipped the article from the newspaper, covered it with vulgarities, circled my photographed face with a thick marker, and sent it to my house. “You look like Satan,” he wrote.
It’s true that a beard wasn’t my best look. But to compare me to the prince of darkness?! That one hurt.
The range and intensity of the response got me thinking more deeply about the struggle for diversity, respect, and acceptance. I kept coming back to this: If someone’s calling me Satan just because of a beard, what are they doing to people whose differences are more significant?
I kept the beard for a couple more years. Then one Saturday morning, I spotted my electric razor at the back of a bathroom drawer. Ten minutes later the beard was gone — but twenty years later, my beard-based experience with diversity is still very much with me.
A few days into life with a clean-shaven face, I met another business contact. It was our first face-to-face meeting after several phone conversations, and he seemed surprised as we shook hands. “You look awfully young,” he said.
“Funny you should mention that,” I said. “Let me tell you about my beard.”
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From one workhorse to another: Let’s slow down a little
January 20, 2011
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My friend Boris is one of those people who has character and is a character. Whenever we chat, or whenever I open one of his e-mails, I always expect a surprise — and I’m never disappointed.
In Boris’ most recent e-mail to me, the surprise arrived in the last sentence: Be sure to take a moment and watch the snow fall. At first I laughed. Given our jam-packed schedules, the thought of stopping to watch the slow descent of frozen water seemed…well…it seemed laughable.
But I stopped, just for a moment, thinking about his closing sentence. And it struck me: Boris isn’t joking. He’s telling his friend to put the busyness on pause, even if it’s just for a minute.
Five hours later, I was back at home, and my 15-year-old daughter was working on an unusual school project. She had to create a cardboard gravestone with a poem that had personal meaning. The poem she had tacked to her faux-marble memorial was Robert Frost’s Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening.
I took some time to read it, and wouldn’t you know, Mr. Frost seemed to be saying what Boris had said in his e-mail. The poet told how he and his horse had ambled onto a neighbor’s wooded property, where Frost proceeded to “watch his woods fill up with snow.”
The horse can’t figure out what’s going on. This is a workhorse, literally, who’s used to staying busy. “He gives his harness bells a shake,” Frost writes, “to ask if there is some mistake.” There isn’t. Frost lingers, taking in the scene and sounds.
If there’s one thing we all have in abundance, it’s busyness. I certainly feel like a figurative workhorse most days, getting unsettled whenever things slow down — and that’s a shame because there’s a lot to enjoy. But we need to take the time.
It’s going to be hard for me to follow my own suggestion here, but…let’s try to find some time today to push aside the work, even for a few fleeting minutes. If there’s snow falling where you’re at, what the heck, take a page from the Boris-Frost playbook and watch the show. If you don’t have snow, there are probably a million other things flying around that are worthy of admiration.
Just be sure to do it before the opportunity melts away.
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Civility At Work: 20 Ways to Build a Kinder Workplace
January 6, 2011
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As the U.S. House of Representatives begins a new session with a new majority and a new leader, people of all persuasions could use a a few reminders on how to conduct business.
Rule #1: Use the massive gavel to strike wooden surfaces only.
Here are 20 more rules, ready for use wherever people gather to get things done.
1. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. There’s no substitute for authentic communication.
2. Be less inclined to give advice — and more inclined to seek it.
3. Resist the urge to jump to conclusions about people and their motives. Go to the source, get the facts, and then decide.
4. Identify the biggest redeeming quality of that person who’s always driving you crazy. Keep it in mind the next time the two of you interact.
5. When greeting a colleague, skip the mindless how-ya-doin’. Ask a question that shows genuine interest.
6. Go out of your way to say thank you. Sincere appreciation is powerful stuff — it’s feedback, recognition, and respect all wrapped in one.
7. If you’re overdue in showing gratitude, make up for lost time. Contact everyone who’s owed thanks from you, and let them know how much you appreciate their help.
8. When credit and compliments come your way, spread them around to all who helped. And if you think you’re solely responsible for that honored achievement, think again.
9. Promise only what you can deliver. If what you deliver falls short, explain why.
10. When things go wrong, resist the urge to assign blame. It’s the system that usually fails, so fix the system, not the people.
11. Widen your social circle. If you always go to lunch with the same group, invite someone new.
12. Give a gift for no reason. If you work with nature lovers, order some plants or flowers. If the group has a chronic sweet tooth, get a few candy dishes and keep them full.
13. When a rumor reaches your ear, let it go out the other.
14. Step down from the treadmill of daily tasks and have an inefficient chat with a colleague. If it’s someone you rarely engage in conversation, all the better.
15. Show interest in someone else’s interests. Okay, maybe you’re not dying to hear about Pat’s passion for stamp collecting, but Pat will be thrilled you asked.
16. When you take a stand and later realize it’s the wrong stand, be honest enough to say so.
17. Involve more people in weighing options and making decisions. There’s incredible brainpower all around you, so why not put it to work?
18. If you tend to send e-mails to colleagues who are an easy walk away, give the computer a rest. Get up, walk over, and have a no-tech conversation.
19. Try going a whole day without making judgments about people. Good luck — it’s tough!
20. Don’t wait for kindness to come your way. Gandhi had it right: We must be the change we wish to see in the world.
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Santa revealed: 10 secrets from the ultimate servant leader
December 22, 2010
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It’s bigger than Walmart, more magical than Disney, and faster than FedEx.
Its leader has the intelligence of an Einstein, the creative powers of an Edison, and the caring spirit of a Mother Teresa.
His look is unconventional: lots of red, white fur trim, big white beard, red stocking hat, massive belt, all-weather boots, clay pipe. His well-fed rotundity is matched by a gymnast’s agility and marathon-runner’s endurance.
Santa Claus has turned his North Pole operation into the biggest and best organization the world has never seen. But how?
Here’s the answer in the form of 10 big strategies. Put them to work in your own life and you’ll see some real magic.
1. Defy gravity by having a meaningful mission
Is Santa a toy manufacturer? Is he a distributor? Is he a delivery specialist? He’s all of those and more, but his work is fueled by a higher purpose. Santa is in the inspiration business. He inspires us to appreciate our friends and family, to be generous, and to recognize that goodness is alive and well in our world.
2. Be a believer
Aren’t we straining reality to think that reindeer can fly? Perhaps. But you don’t bring a Santa-sized mission to life by being a skeptic.
3. Have a sense of humor
How does Santa Claus stay calm in the face of so many responsibilities? Humor. The man is jolly personified. When the going gets tough, he always finds good cause to ho ho ho.
4. Be willing to get dirty to get the job done
Does Santa go up and down chimneys because he’s fond of soot? Hardly. He does it because it’s the quickest and quietest way to get inside without a house key.
5. Encourage the copycats
With thousands of people pretending to be Santa each year, doesn’t the real Santa want to lawyer up and sue their beards off? Just the opposite. He encourages the well-intended wannabes, seeing them as a way to be in countless places at the same time.
6. Make the most of the most extreme differences
Does Santa Claus look for certain “types” to work at the North Pole? He focuses on strengths. When thick fog and heavy snow threatened delivery one year, Santa turned to a young novice who had become something of a laughingstock. The newly empowered Rudolph used his blazing beacon to lead the other reindeer to a safe and on-time delivery.
7. Be thoughtful about who and how you serve
Isn’t the “naughty and nice” list a bit harsh? Sure it is. But Santa knows that his mission would be compromised if he gave gifts to just anyone.
8. Get creative in living your mission
Does Santa fly past the children who fall short in a given year? No. He leaves each of them a nice bag of coal. It’s mostly designed to nudge kids in the right direction — but it can also be used to heat the home, boil water, and cook food.
9. Be yourself no matter what
Doesn’t Santa feel a bit silly prancing around in his fur-trimmed outfit and soup-catching beard? Not at all. He enjoys being himself. And as the greatest organizational success story of all time, he knows that his standout qualities keep the Santa brand eternally strong.
10. Savor your accomplishments
Does Santa get compensated? Yes, in three ways. Part of his pay is served up when he returns from his annual deliveries. That’s when he sits with colleagues to enjoy a huge stack of fresh-baked cookies. Santa’s second form of pay comes not from the kitchen but from the heart and mind. As he rests in his elf-made recliner, he contemplates his mission: Did he walk the talk of generosity? Check. Did he stir our imagination? Check. Did he renew humanity’s faith that goodness still exists? Check. Did his work inspire others to follow suit? Check. Then he settles back in his recliner, closes his eyes, and welcomes his third form of compensation: a long and well-earned rest.
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